


When the Water Begins to Recede

by Krugerevengeinej



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Character Development, F/M, Healing, Organized Crime?, PTSD, Pirates?, Touch Aversion, Trauma, rape mention, they're getting better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2019-10-16 10:11:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krugerevengeinej/pseuds/Krugerevengeinej
Summary: Pekka Rollins has been dethroned, and Kaz must do his best to claim the title of King of The Barrel, but the competition is nearly as cunning as he is, and the ever-changing web of alliances in Ketterdam is already shifting, learning to operate without its late ruler. The monster of a city has a way of keeping one disoriented, new foes crop, businesses rise and fall often. Timing is key, but Kaz has underestimated just how crucial it is, and how hard it will be to gather information with his ex-Wraith flitting in and out of the city.Inej has her ship, and has reunited with her parents but everything is not as perfect as it seems. She didn’t realize how hard it would be to see her parents again after everything she’s been through. Having lost her innocence, she struggles to explain everything she’s done. They understand what was survival, and don’t blame her for her actions, but her parents recoil at her ideas of hunting down slavers, labeling it brash and foolish. Which it just may be, lacking a true foundation and plan. She can’t go cavorting about the open sea and hope to find slavers. So she turns to Kaz, in the hopes of starting something new, to root out the worst of the worst, on the seas and in the city.





	1. An Ocean of Tears

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey there, this is the first fic I’m posting on this particular platform so if there’s anything wrong with the formatting please let me know. But I hope you enjoy this it’s a bit short and I’m not sure whether to consider it a fully fledged chapter.
> 
> Desc: While aboard the wraith on her very first mission Inej makes a mistake that ends up costing her the lives of several crew members and she suffers with guilt and remorse. Beginning to question her new path and what exactly she wants from life she comes to a decision about revenge.

Inej nearly tripped, stumbling backwards as her heart pounded in her ears. She looked down at her hands, they were chilled to the bone from the icy winter air around nd coated in thick red blood. Panic, guilt, and fear welled up inside her, threatening to spill out in the form of tears as she surveyed the mangled bodies on the deck—her deck she was the captain and it was her fault. Her head drooped and tears began leaking from her eyes. They were her crew, they’d listened to her, believed in her, and she let them down. What am I doing here? She thought miserably. She was too cold, to alone, and way too far from home, and whether that home was Ketterdam, or if it was Ravka she still wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure she could face her parents ever again, after all they’d been right hadn’t they? She still remembered the words her mother had said to her, in that little parlor of Wylan and Jesper’s merch mansion.  
_“Inej, sweetheart this place has taken so much from you, you don’t owe it anything more, come home. Your cousins, your grandparents, they all miss you, we miss you, come walk the tightrope for us again.” She’d taken Inej’s hand in her own and squeezed it gently, “you can even bring those silly Kerch boys if they mean so much to you.”  
“Mama I can’t,” Inej had said softly, squeezing her hand right back, “I-I made a promise to the saints, even if I don’t owe this city, or anyone anything I’m going to make sure no other little girls get stolen away because if I don’t no one else will. But I promise I’ll come see you soon.” ___

__

Now she wiped the blood from her hands, cringing as pain surged through her half frozen fingers. She walked closer to the corpse of a girl in front of her, and knelt down next to her. Inej had tried not to examine them closely, they were so covered it blood it was hard to tell who had been, and it would only be more painful when she learned. But that was cowardly, she needed to face her mistake. With lilting courage, she brushed stark black hair away the girl’s face.  
It was Yui, one of her first recruits. Her golden eyes were glassy, gazing up towards the sails, and the warmth had already begun to fade from her gently sun-kissed skin. Inej closed Yui’s eyes, her own snapping shut to hide the body from view, but the girl’s vacant stare simply reappeared in her head. Her body racked with silent sobs, as she rose and turned towards the sea, and wondering if it should have been her. Perhaps she should have died in Yui’s or any of the other girl’s steads, after all she’d taken so many lives why was it fair someone else had died for hers?  
She stalked towards the railing, taking a firm grip on it. Her fingertips dug into the splintering wood as she leaded over the water, the tears dripping from her cheeks. Bit by bit they added to the vastness of the sea, and she decided then. She could fling herself over but it wouldn’t bring her lost crewmembers back. She couldn’t cry enough to send a great wave sinking slaver ships or call the storm she’d dreamed of. But she could be the next best thing, she could find the crew that had robbed her of her friends, smash their ship to splinters, burn it, and cut the hearts from the chest of every member of its crew.  
So she was going to do just that.

***

They weren’t meant to return to Ketterdam for another two weeks but with their crew diminished and spirits low they decided to cut their loses and head back. Inej wanted so badly to find the ship and crew that had ravaged their ranks, but she knew it was her foolishness and spontaneity that had caused them such hardships to begin with. If she was going to get her vengeance, she needed to be thorough in her planning and strategizing. She still didn’t know who was responsible but judging by their ferocity they were going to be a recurring issue for her. She had no clue how she was going to explain this to Kaz or if he would be able to help her.  
That brought up another thought, would Kaz blame her as harshly as she blamed herself? Would he try some half-hearted method of comforting her? Or maybe offer her wisdom about the pains of leadership? Perhaps he would be disappointed. He did seem to have faith in her. Would he tell her to give up this reckless mission and crawl home to her parents? No, before she’d left he’d been trying so much harder for her, he’d even managed to see her off with a short embrace. He might ask her to join the dregs again. But she would not, she was going to hunt slavers, she was going to help him cut down his competition. He was going to be King of the Barrel, but she couldn’t be his Queen.  
When she crept into her cabin at night, she continued to wonder. She resisted the nipping of sleep at her exhausted body because every time she closed her eyes all she saw were the corpses. She saw her own breath in the icy air, a reminder that she was alive, but they were not She wondered perhaps if she were to cry and ocean, would she have no one to comfort her? Would the waves simply sweep her away?


	2. A Loss for Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks before tragedy we see Kaz’s feelings as Inej prepares to depart from Ketterdam, and she and Kaz share an awkward goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very pleased to share this with you as it was also a struggle to write from Kaz’s pov. It’s not too terribly angsty and I know you’re probably frustrated I didn’t tell you what happened to Inej’s crew but you’ll find out in the next chapter and It’s gonna be a long one. But please enjoy this, and I really want to know what you think, comments are most appreciated!

When the Water Begins to Recede Ch. 2  
The weather was just beginning to shift from Autumn to Winter when Inej left. Ketterdam’s typical windy wet weather grew colder. Kaz’s leg pained severely, the dull throbbing turned to a sharp stabbing, but he went to Berth twenty-two to watch The Wraith set sail despite it. Even through her excitement and anxiety Inej seemed to register the stiffness and difficulty of his movements, but she was grateful he came. The air was chilled to the point of snow, and she watched the flakes fall with dazzled eyes as she and her crew carried supplies onto the little ship. She hadn’t been accustomed to snow before coming to the city, and despite the inconveniences it caused during its rare appearances she’d always commented on its beauty.  
Kaz felt out of his depth standing there on the docks. He had no clue what to do with himself, and he felt like a fool, idling as he watched them load the ship. A part of him felt frustrated to see her leave, but this was also his own doing. He reminded himself he’d bought her that ship, he wanted her to leave for her own wellbeing. He was fairly certain he regretted that, even if he knew she was coming back the idea of her simply slipping away from him forever seemed excruciatingly possible. He’d made numerous attempts during the previous months to convince himself that would be for the better, and it just well might be for her. But he’d spent so long with her, put so much into this whole ordeal. It’d hurt to much for her not to return.   
They’d spent most of the fall preparing just for this day. He’d put out every feeler, sent money to all the right people and put his spies in the proper places. It wasn’t much but he needed to set the groundwork, they’d know nothing about where to find slavers and they couldn’t start by prodding at any of the better-known brothels or they’d risk having their cover blown. It’d been so many late nights huddled over maps and various paperwork. They’d had to find a cover for her ship, and eventually they’d arranged with Wylan so she could set sail under the guise of private business for Mr. Van eck.  
All the work had been exhausting and the concern of weather had tugged at Kaz’s thoughts, especially now. The whole crew had donned thick wool coats and hats to protect themselves from the icy air. Inej had never been fond of fowl weather, but she didn’t seem to mind the cold at all now. The only thing he could see was how hopeful she was. And she had a right to be.  
She’d always been so much better than him. He couldn’t imagine how she saw herself, but to him she was incredible, and he envied it. She’d been damaged so much more than he, but she stuck to her faith, always did her best to forgive, and to forget. She deserved everything and he wasn’t sure he had anything to give. He knew he could never be like her. He often found her belief in him was frightening. After all she was so good, how could her ever be enough for her? But she was patient, she was willing. If he was only willing to try for her it might just be enough, and he’d already taken the first steps.  
It was so simple and so complex at all once. He’d set her free, paid off her indenture, faced his own fears when he’d touched her skin in that hotel bathroom. He’d bought her the ship and helped her plan a future. He’d held her hand, so easy and yet so difficult. He’d managed to do it several times since, in the quiet, still moments he managed to stay above the floodwaters, and let her speak softly to him to dull the murmur of Jordie’s ghost in his head. Of course, it was never gone, but he was slowly learning to counter his fear.  
He watched patiently as Inej and her crew finished the last of their preparations, and she strode down the gangplank, and towards him in a giddy fashion. When she stopped, hardly a foot between them she was grinning, pride and joy shining in her expression as visible as a lantern in a darkened room. He gazed at her, feeling the barest glimmer of a smile twist the corner of his mouth.   
A moment ago there had been a thousand things he needed to say to her, but he realized he was suddenly at a loss for words. This was a problem he rarely encountered, and he found himself reeling internally for a moment as Inej looked expectantly upon him. He finally parted his lips to say something, but once again he found no words. Only a soft huff of laughter managed to escape as he caught sight of a snow flake that had made its way beneath her cap to land in her hair. He had the distinct urge to brush it away, but it faded before he could get the chance.  
Then he decided to try something a bit different. With a thick wool coat on touching her seemed much less daunting, though he still wasn’t in a mind to remove his gloves due to the chill. So cautiously he reached out and wrapped his arms around her. She did the same, they both did so lightly at first but as his initial panic reduced Kaz pulled her closer until she was pressed against him. It was a wonderful feeling to find himself remarkably okay as she buried her face in the dense fabric of his coat. They stayed like that for a few moments, enjoying each other's body heat, until the crew began to call.  
He felt a bit hollow then, as she pulled away, remembering she was in fact leaving. She looked up at him. Her cheeks had been red from the cold, but he could have sworn they’d gone a little darker. He wanted to badly to say something, but he still couldn’t think of—there it was again. He caught the glint of white in her dark hair. Before he could properly consider the thought the words were tumbling from his lips.  
“You have snow in your hair,” he muttered. It was as if he was considering a question rather than stating a fact.  
She took his gloved hands in her own and squeezed them gently, her grin spreading a little wider, more in a mocking sense than an appreciative one but it could have been both.   
She leaned a little closer and whispered, “you do too.” She stepped back, laughing softy as she turned on her heel and bounded toward the ship.   
The warmth and softness of her laughter buzzed in his chest for a few glorious moments, but as soon as it faded, he was empty and cold, already missing her. He watched The Wraith head out to sea, wanting nothing more than for it to return.


	3. Learn From Your Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz struggles with Inej being gone, and all the chaos that is happening in the city, but is even more disturbed when she arrives from sea early with awful news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is here, as promised, extra long and extra angsty! This took me so long to write, and I really hope you guys like it. Comments and rbs are most appreciated as always, tell me what you think. What did you like best, and what needs work? I crave feedback please don’t leave me in the dark.  
> Song Inspo: Cringe -Matt Mason, When I Was Older - Billie Eilish, Mr. Rattlebone - Matt Maeson, The Only - Sasha Sloan  
> (give these a listen while you read for some extra effect)

The pain in Kaz’s leg had been a constant and bitter reminder of the current state of the weather. It seemed to echo his concern for Inej and the painful longing for her return. He’d already been frustrated by her insisting to leave as soon as storm season hit, and he could hardly bear the thought of her being held up in some foreign port as she waited for the sea to settle, or worse shipwrecked, drowned, attacked by pirates. _She’ll be fine _, he tried to console himself.__  
He needed to stop worrying, but while she might have been able to handle the pirates even his wraith—Inej, he remined himself, was no match for the ocean’s wrath. He was antsy enough it had begun to plague his already-minimal sleep. He seldom found it and when he did, she was there too, as she had been on that stack of crates, blood pouring from a wound he could not locate, and whenever he tried to help her she seemed to slip further away.  
She might be swallowed by the water and he would dive in after her. He’d try to grasp for her hand, and she would flicker and vanish, so he would faze right through it.  
Those weren’t even the worst dreams, no not even close. There were dreams where she never came back, where he waited for years, thinking maybe he’d caught a glimpse of her ship, but it was always a trick of the light. Sometimes she did come back, but she never regarded him, spoke to him even looked at him. He could chase her down the street, but she always ran faster.  
But those still weren’t the worst, the worst was when she did come back. He’d receive the news that _The Wraith _had returned, but then she was nowhere to be found. He could turn the city upside down; search every crevice and scour every rooftop and she was simply gone. Yet he could feel her, she was somewhere in the city, he heard her laughter in an echoey room, saw the glint of her knives in a dark alley, and tried to get a glimpse of her shape, but it was like trying to catch his shadow. It was frustrating and confusing and terrifying all at the same time, and all he wanted was to see her again.__  
It went on for three weeks, it was when she’d said her first letter was meant to arrive, but she had instead. He’d been worried as much as relieved when Pim had come into his office to inform him _The Wraith _was on its way into port. It was raining and great gusts of wind formed great swells that knocked the ships about.__  
Kaz had planned this out numerous times as he lay awake at night. He would not rush to the docks when she arrived. In fact, from now on he would stay away from her ship as often as possible. It had even been foolish of him to see her off that first time. The last thing either he or Inej wanted, was rumors about this new business of theirs. That was enough of a hassle, considering he still had so much work to do, and so much had been going on in Ketterdam.  
There was his working with Wylan who was taking his father’s place in the Merchant council. As well as figuring out what the hell to do with his stake. Now that Pekka was gone the city seemed to be folding in on itself and there was lots of opportunity for new dealings and partnerships. The plague scare had worn off and left the Emerald Palace as well as several other Dime Lions’ establishments, could be bought for cheap and renovated. He’d always loved the idea of having one of his own gambling dens in the Lid.  
But some bad things had been happening too, members from his gang were going missing, being tortured, beaten bloody and returned to him with alongside threats. He had to guess it was angry Dime Lions who thought they could fill the hole he’d left, or possibly bring the Kaelish King (that’s what people were calling Pekka now) back. But they wanted revenge on Kaz and the Dregs first. This was less about information than sending a message and getting event. _Oh, how the tables have turned _, he thought wistfully.__  
He was partially grateful Inej was no longer a member, at least she wasn’t at risk. But it would be very useful to have his spider’s help with this.  
Kaz’s spectacle with their leader certainly hadn’t gone unnoticed by the rest of the barrel either, he knew that. But he’d been furious to see it in _The Ketterdam Print _along with a blurry photograph of him. It wasn’t particularly harmful. That didn’t mean he liked this kind of publicity. But the stadwatch certainly weren’t about to get involved in a gang war. Even if they saw him in public they weren’t cocky enough to try and pinch him.__  
The Dregs’ reputation had soared in the past months, He’d taken on new members and seen extra fear in people’s eyes when he walked down the street. However, it had seemed so much better when Inej was there with him, and he paced listlessly in his office as he awaited her arrival.  
She still had to dock, unload and manage to think of a good reason to pick her way through the barrel to come see him without arousing any suspicion. It’d been hours, and he still paced back and forth. He was used to using Per Haskell’s old office now, though it had been a bit strange at first. It was a proper desk, with a high-backed leather chair, and the room itself was much larger than his attic one. He still slept up there, but it was an improvement to have his own space on the ground floor.  
Then he felt it, the nearly imperceptible shift in the air as Inej entered the room and shut the door without a sound. He did his best to seem at ease as he turned to face her, leaning casually against the desk. He was about to crack a smile before he caught sight of her expression, solemn and cold. Her eyes were heavy with guilt and remorse and the horrid weight on an unspoken confession. He stared at her, allowing the silence to stretch out like a rope between them as she gathered her words.  
Her lips parted and she blew out a shaky breath, closing her eyes for a moment, before she said hoarsely, “we lost half our crew.” In simply speaking the words, tears had begun to well in her eyes. She was clearly cutting open wounds that had just started to heal.  
The silence stretched thinner, agonizingly taught as her words sunk in. He knew how much pain she was in. Inej may not have known those people for long, but she did not take lost lives delicately. Not when they had been under her command.  
Tears started to stream down her cheeks, and that hurt _him _. Inej did not cry, he’d only seen her do it once, but she’d been joyful as she wrapped her arms around her parents. This was different, there was pain and shame in the lines of her face, and for once he understood it. Loss was a terrifying thing, so sudden and strange, but it was especially awful to lose people who put their faith in you. It was too easy to think they blamed you for it. But whatever happened wasn’t her fault, he knew that.  
“It’s alright, it happens. Inej, it wasn’t your fault,” he croaked, “I know what its like to lose a crew, and whatever you think it was it wasn’t—”  
“I killed eleven, fucking, people, Kaz, it’s not alright,” her voice was laced with bitter sorrow, “and it was my fault.” Her hands curled tightly at her sides, “they listened to me, t-they trusted me, and I was irresponsible. I failed them, and now I can’t bring them back. How is that _alright _?”____  
“They took the risk, didn’t they?” He spoke plainly, didn’t try to coddle her, she’d only despise him for that. She nodded. “Then how is it your fault? They knew their chances going out this late in the year, and I told you something might happen.” She stilled, her gaze sharpened on him.  
“It wasn’t a storm,” Inej said lowly.  
“What happened?”  
“It was another ship, a slaver ship.” His eyes widened in shock, she wasn’t supposed to be attacking any ships on this mission, just spying out a slaver outpost in the southern colonies.  
“Did they, attack you?” He asked hesitantly.  
She shook her head, sighing shakily before she continued, “no I—I just, I knew, the ship Kaz.” Her gaze fell to the floor and realization struck him before she spoke the words, “it was the same ship that brought me to Kerch. I had to do it. I thought we could handle it, and I was wrong. They killed half our crew and they didn’t even have any prisoners. We didn’t even save anyone, and I failed them.”  
He was disappointed, and she could probably tell. She’d seemed so hopeful when she bounded off into the snow three weeks ago, but now she seemed to regret even mentioning a ship.  
“You’re not the only one who makes mistakes Inej,” he said, “I’ve lost crews because of stupid decisions and I’ll never forget that. You can’t learn how to lead if you don’t screw it up first.”  
She wiped her tears away with her sleeve, and sighed, “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” That really was a lot to say considering how much she’d suffered through these past few years, he’d marveled at her strength but he couldn’t stand that this had nearly been enough to break her.  
“I know it is,” he moved closer to her, “but you have to be the strong one when everything goes to shit, don’t ever let your crew see you like this.” That was the first thing he’d learned about leadership, no matter how bad things got people would always look up to their leader for direction, and security. If he panicked, everyone would start to panic. It simply wasn’t an option.  
She reached out cautiously and took his ungloved hand. He slowly let their fingers entwine, and she smiled weakly.  
“I want to find that ship and turn it to splinters,” she muttered.  
Then he smiled too, “I think I can help with that.”  
“Oh, how can you?” she asked.  
“When you came to Kerch, you didn’t go on an auction block right? Heleen was waiting for you.”  
“Yes,” she confirmed.  
“Then she must have been informed by whoever picked you up,” he explained, “I’d bet good money Heleen knows who owns that ship. I’m sure with a little spy work you and I can figure it out.” He hesitated, “she’s got a lot of sources though. It may take a while, but I think we can handle it.”  
She squeezed his hand and her smile widened. “Thank you, I’d be glad to stay in the city awhile if it means we can find the ship.”  
“Who knows? Maybe we’ll burn down the whole menagerie.”  
She actually giggled, “oh I’d really like that.” They stood there quietly for a bit, just enjoying each other’s company after so much time apart. Then suddenly a call had sounded from outside.  
“Boss!” screeched Anika, “there’s another one!” Oh saints dammit not now, he thought frantically, releasing Inej’s hand and snatching his gloves from the desk. He pulled them on, grabbed his cane and sprinted out the door, offering no explanation but Inej followed him regardless.  
He threw open the Slat’s front door and pushed past the crowd of people. There lying on the ground was wiry Roeder, the boy he’d been using as a spider. He’d been absent for days, but that was nothing unusual. His face was swollen and bruised, body broken and bloody, but most important was his eyes. Inej was standing next to him and she looked in horror and confusion, one hand covering her mouth. They were nowhere to be found,  
In their places were silver dimes  
“Kaz what’s going on?” Inej asked.


	4. Feathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz has underestimated the difficulty of navigating the troubled waters of Ketterdam since Pekka’s departure and things are just now beginning to pick up. Inej is stuck in the city for a while while she works to track down the ship that wrecked her crew and she and Kaz finally get a few quiet moments together.

Kaz was frustrated. He might have been a million other things considering the gruesome state Roeder had been returned in, even worse was that the boy was still _alive_. A pulse beat at his throat, and his chest still rose and fell with every weak breath. The Dime Lions—that was clearly who it had been, hence the dimes in the eyes, leaving him alive, even clinging to death’s door in this state had been a shock.

               It wasn’t like Kaz hadn’t seem similar things before. Members of gangs had been kidnapped and tortured and thrown back to their masters with tongues and other limbs removed, likely to keep them from telling what had happened. They rarely survived long enough to put a pen to paper if they kept their hands either. Yet the only thing Roeder had been missing was his eyes, his dignity, and a few teeth from a brutal beating he’d received.

               It had still been useless to try and ask him anything because within a few minutes his weak pulse had begun to fade. Someone might have shouted for a medik, but there were none nearby good enough to keep him breathing. Zenik would have been particularly useful in this kind of situation and wished he could call upon the heartrender, but she wasn’t even in Kerch anymore.

Kaz wasn’t even sure who would mourn for the boy besides a few fellow Dregs. If even that. He hadn’t been the most sociable type, after all that would have been a poor quality for a spy. People who liked to talk were always more inclined to spill secrets no matter how hard they tried to resist the temptation.

               Kaz cared in his own strange way. Roeder had just been starting out as his spider and while he couldn’t compare to the Wraith, he was doing well at it. Kaz was glad he hadn’t been working long enough to get any vital information, now that anything he gathered was surely turned over to the remnants of the Dime Lions.

            Kaz had been considering sending him to spy around Vellgeluk and see what he could pick up about the brothel owners that frequented the island and its auctions.  Examining the boy’s body as it had begun to grow cold, Kaz silently thanked any gods that might be listening he hadn’t sent Roeder on that job.

               A few boys had carried the body away, all with solemn faces, more for the foreboding of message they’d been sent than the death itself. Death was common in the barrel, people were shot, stabbed, mugged, raped and beaten to death on the daily. Those who had been here the longest grew accustomed to the most gruesome things that life had to offer, driven by lust, greed, anger and just general cruelty, humans did horrendous things.

                But this, symbolic, garish and brutal, was the real beginning of a gang war. It was something that had been inevitable since the second Kaz gotten Pekka Rollins down on his knees, begging for his son’s safety. And he knew that but anticipating something was so vastly different than being prepared for it. Months, it had been, and he still felt stuck in the middle of something, out of his depth and often found himself lacking something he couldn’t identify.  

                He’d been in this city long enough to have survived gang wars, and there was always ugly aftermath for everyone, from common street rats to the biggest bosses, even merchers who made deals with the wrong men. But even those were small-scale. This was full-blown regicide, people were fighting for the crown of an heirless King, and he was one of them.

                Survival itself would have been difficult for him in this situation not long ago, but now it wasn’t enough for him to just survive. He had to thrive, he had to triumph because this was his legacy. He’d promised Jordie revenge by ruining Pekka Rollins and now he needed the satisfaction of taking the throne he’d left behind, of getting control of _his_ city. That had been his goal for so long, and he was agonizingly close yet oceans away.

                But the city itself wasn’t the hardest part. A new promise was, interfering with the one he’d made to his brother. It was the one he’d made to Inej. His gang needed him but so did she, and as much as he hated it, he needed her too. Having his spider would be a great assistance for him right now, but she had her own promises. He didn’t know exactly what they were or who they were to, but she had every right to honor them.

                She was in the city again for now, and maybe she could help him. He knew she worried for the gang, it hadn’t been long ago when she worked alongside them, and a few had even been her friends. But she’d still be busy working against Tante Heleen and trying to find leads on the slave ship that had decimated her crew. He would be assisting her of course, and despite the extra work, he was still grateful for it. The stressed, tired and frustrated part of him seemed to lighten at the sight of her, as if some invisible weight had been lifted from his shoulders. She was here, she would be here if he needed her. Even if it was only temporary.

                But that was just it, it was temporary, and the thought frustrated him a bit more. She may be back for the time being, but she would leave again. _She will leave again,_ he reminded himself. He didn’t want to think about it, but he couldn’t forget. It would be too easy to slip into a rhythm of routine, start to grow dependent on her, and find himself lost when she left.

                He still wanted to at least _try_ and show her he cared before she did.

                It was nearly ten bells when they’d finished planning for tomorrow’s excursion. Inej would be spying near the White Rose to see what she could learn about slaver ships coming into Vellgeluk, and any other boats headed that way she could hitch a ride on because taking her own ship might not be the most inconspicuous method of travel. Random ships didn’t simply come and go from the island. If you went there, you went with purpose and somebody knew who you were.

                Kaz would be providing her with backup in case something went wrong. Of course, covering up the real purpose of the job, insisting it had something to do with exclusive new investment opportunities. But he would be staying behind in the city and trying to figure out how the hell to find a new spider. Not that he would be telling Inej. He needed someone to figure out where the Dime Lion’s den was because none of their old businesses were still running and it wasn’t any other property he was aware they owned.

                But it was time to take a break from work.

                Now, Inej followed him up the Slat’s rickety steps to the attic. Neither of them had any real reason to be up there, in fact it had been emptied of everything apart from Kaz’s sparse belongings and his bed. Even the makeshift desk had been disassembled, its pieces moved elsewhere. But it was strangely comforting to be up there with her again, and an excellent opportunity for some alone time. It seemed like such a long time since they’d had any where they didn’t have to fear sudden interruptions from his gang.

                They were exhausted and fatigued, but at least here it was secluded and mostly quiet, though the rustle of the barrel never ceased. The largest portion of the attic was completely empty, and the door to his small bedroom was left open.

                “It’s odd,” Inej mused, offering no explanation.

                “What is?” Kaz asked. The two of them hung their coats up and stood in the center of the room. It had always seemed so small when it was cluttered but compared to most rooms at the slat it was fairly large.

                “It’s so early, and somehow we’ve got free time,” she explained. It was true, usually they’d still be out on some job or assignment. It made Kaz feel a bit old. He’d been doing so much more mundane office work lately he was actually looking forward to something exciting. But at least right now he was with Inej.

                “Is that a bad thing?” he asked.

                “Just odd,” she said, walking closer to the window and dragging a finger through the dust that had settled on the windowsill. “Have you fed the crows for me?”

                “ _I_ don’t make friends with crows, Wraith,” he said mockingly. She narrowed he eyes at the use of that nickname, but a slight smile lit up her face.

                “If I didn’t make friends with crows, I wouldn’t be friends with you.” She offered, wiping away the remaining dust and settling herself beside the window. It was wonderful to be having such light hearted, nonchalant conversations with her again.

                “Maybe more than friends?” he asked casually. Then added, “and are you insinuating I’m a bird? Last time I checked I didn’t have feathers, and I certainly don’t lay eggs.”

                “You steal my fried potatoes and hold a grudge like no one I’ve ever met,” she opened the window, pulled a crumbled biscuit from her pocket and began tossing pieces to the crows. “And yes, more than friends,” she conceded.

                Kaz laughed softly and found himself staring dumbly at her for a moment. But a raised brow from her was enough to get him back to his senses, and he set about removing his vest and shirt. He slipped into his tiny bedroom and dipped a cloth in the washbasin by his bed.

                He was half facing her as he ran the wet cloth over his skin, shivering a bit at the frigid temperature of the water. Inej’s focus was on him and he knew. She always tried to be subtle, watching from the corner of her eye but he could tell. She’d always done it and it had been tempting to call her out on it on it if only to see her furrow her brows in frustration, blushing despite herself.

                A bit of recklessness overcame him, and he asked, “if you’re going to look you may as well check me for feathers.” And there it was, the slightest bit of scarlet tinged her cheeks.

                “If I invited you into my chambers and began to undress with my door open, I’m sure you wouldn’t watch,” she said.

                “Is that a proposition?” he asked, “and you’re absolutely right. I’m a gentleman.”

                “I think I do see a feather, you must sprout them when you lie,” she accused, hopping off the window sill.

                With a slight smirk he pulled on a clean shirt and a gray waistcoat. He moved to the door, but Inej walked into his room before he could. He considered saying something else snarky but decided against it, sitting on the edge of the bed. The door clicked shut behind her and she strode to the bed, setting herself down beside him, not quite close enough to touch.

               So simple it was just to sit there, in the quiet and dim little room. But he new it wasn’t good enough. Cautiously, his hand slipped into hers and he clung to that little bit of contact, trying to prepare himself for more, assuring himself he was ready. Though, maybe he wasn’t, but he was certainly ready to make an attempt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys! Sorry this chapter took me so long to get up I’ve been a bi preoccupied with school. It is another Kaz chapter but I’m not really going to be alternating any specific way, though you can expect the next chapter to be from Inej’s pov. Anyways I hope you like it and let me know what you think as always!
> 
> Song inspo: Me and My friends Are Lonely - Matt Maeson, Drop The Game - Flume & Chet Faker


	5. Scent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In between errands and excursions Inej recounts a peculiar observation she made after returning from her first voyage on The Wraith.

               A leaky pipe dripped water into the gutters. The damp and musty smell of rain hung heavily in the air. That was characteristic of Ketterdam, like a woman’s perfume faint traces always seemed to linger, but it was fresh this morning; the previous night had brought heavy rain. Inej allowed herself to focus on the smell. She likely wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t been away from the city for so long, after all it was such a subtle thing most residents unconsciously tuned it out, as she once had. For now, she reveled in it for the fact it helped to mask some other awful stenches the Barrel, where she was currently, had to offer and because it reminded her of Kaz.

               It was something she hadn’t considered before. His scent, after all he’d once told her that everyone had one, except for her of course and he’d seemed—well confused or curious possibly even upset. She’d only noticed it when she came back from her first training mission, where she’d gone with Specht and a minimal crew to one of Kerch’s outer islands. It was a short trip, but she’d spent a week out on the water since it was just for the sake of practice.

               When Inej returned Kaz had pulled her into his office for an interrogation. He didn’t call it that, but it was one; he pestered her about every small detail. Like a mother hen, he wanted to make sure everything was in perfect working order. A part of her wanted to be irritated but it was very touching that he was doing everything in his power to help her with this dream, despite it involving her leaving. Trying to be the bigger man was not something Dirtyhands usually did, and she was fairly impressed with him. But It shamed her greatly that with all his help, her first expedition had been sullied by her own hand, by her foolishness and pride.

               She remembered him asking all sorts of odd things, but she didn’t care to recall those. Once he’d finally finished, she’d sat on the windowsill and watched him work. They hadn’t been in the attic so there wasn’t as interesting of a view. Shafts of warm sunlight were cast into the room, illuminating the dark oak desk. A little dish of licorice had resided in its center, the only sweet she’d ever known Kaz to be fond of, if you could call it a sweet. Inej personally didn’t enjoy it, the potent combination of anise and sea salt was overwhelming and left her mouth feeling numb. She’d said as much to Kaz but he claimed it was the best part of the candy.

               In a moment of curiosity and boredom she’d jumped off the sill and stalked over to his desk, bracing one hand on the edge, she’d leaned over and snagged a piece of licorice as if she were a child sneaking something from the cookie jar. But she hadn’t retreated to the window, instead she’d watched Kaz more closely. His hands had been bare, and he’d scratched on various documents with a pen that seemed fit to leak ink. She’d been very near to him. And that was when she’d noticed it, apart from the tang of parchment, ink, and moldy wood that hung in the old office was his distinct scent, damp.

              It was as if he’d just been caught in the rain, and she’d had to wonder how many nights he’d spent out in the cold and the wet, probably quite a few. Coffee, he’d smelled kind of like that too, and he was dependent on it to stay awake. There’d been the scent of salt on him, from time spent near the ocean, at the harbors or maybe from falling in the salty water saints knew how many times. Finally, very faintly, she noticed anise.

               She’d considered this new observation for a moment. It was trivial, really, but something she had satisfaction in knowing. And it had felt strangely intimate, something she had to know him well enough to care about or even notice. So, she’d smiled to herself as she walked away with this new piece of information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Yes I’m still alive, I know I haven’t posted anything other than reblogs in forever but life’s been getting in the way of my writing. This is a very short chapter, and I suppose you could call it filler, but I am awful at writing action scenes so I’m pushing that off as long as possible, along with some hardcore angst. And yes, yes I did make an entire chapter dedicated to describing a dumb thing but I just really needed to post something. As always, please let me know what you think!


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